Category Archives: Humor/Satire

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

Region:  Northwestern Ohio, North Central Ohio, Northeastern Ohio and Northwestern Pennsylvania.

Date:  Saturday July 21st, Sunday July 22nd and Monday July 23, 2017.

Deck:  Renaissance Tarot

Cards Drawn:  5 of Cups,  The Empress (3 Major Arcana), Queen of Staves, Queen of Coins (inverse), 9 of swords, King of Swords (inverse)

Forecast:  Saturday expect hazy and warm conditions (temps between 86 – 88) and skies becoming partly cloudy.  If you a sky watcher look for cirrus and cirri-stratus earlier in the day.  Expect rain, heavy at times.  Chance of severe weather is slim to none but rain fall could be extremely heavy at times.  Warm, humid and wet conditions should persist over night again with heavy rain fall.  The rain should clear out of the region by Sunday early afternoon with a chance of flooding in low lying areas.  The weather is mostly likely to impact northwestern Ohio and north central Ohio with chances of wet weather diminishing in the far eastern Ohio and the higher elevations in north western Pennsylvania.  Conditions on Monday should begin to clear and cool with and increase in wind from the north to north west.  Skies on Monday should vary from partly cloudy to partly sunny and temperatures should begin to moderate (77 – 80).

Have a better than average day and always watch for your Muse.

Meta Mumbles on and on

Here are three jokes That I was told by my birth father many years ago….

Q:  If a church has no doors or windows –  How do the people get in and out?

A:  The church was holey

 

Q:  What did the Preacher say when he saw the Church burning?

A:  “Holey Smoke”

 

Q:  Little fly on the wall

Ain’t you got no clothes at all?

Ain’t you got no shimmy shirt?

Ain’t you got no pretty skirt?

Ain’t you cold?”

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

Today I think I’ll climb a bit farther out on a limb.  I just hope that it and the tree from which it grows are both healthy.  I am thinking that I’ll try and forecast the weather for another country or set of countries.  I Just want to see how it goes.  I would like to think of it as an experiment.

Region:  England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland.

Date(s)  Monday July 17 to Friday July 21, 2017

Deck:  The Hermetic

Cards Drawn:  Set One:  The Hierophant (5 Major Arcana, inverse), Ace of Pentacles (inverse), Queen of Wands (inverse), The Universe (21 Major Arcana), Wheel of Fortune (10 Major Arcana), 5 of Wands, Princess of Pentacles, The Devil (15 Major Arcana)

Set Two:  The Magician (1 Major Arcana, inverse),  10 of Pentacles (inverse).

Forecast:  In the first set of cards there are four representatives from the Major Arcana, sometimes known as Trumps and in the second set there is one.  So there are five cards from the Major Arcana or that half of the cards drawn are from the Major Arcana indicating that there are forces at work here that are tricky or beyond our control or our ability to read successfully.  Think of it like a drunk pissing into the wind and trying not to get wet.

I’ll give it a shot anyway, just for giggles.  Whatever the weather is on Monday will hang on until the middle of the forecast period, mid day on Wednesday.  In general terms the conditions will be about average in temperature and tending toward dry or drier but the skies will show rain, mostly cloudy to cloudy and conditions will be humid.  Any wet weather will be passing or short lived but don’t expect to see much of the sun.  Cloudy conditions will persist through until Friday though the sun might start to show its self in regions farther west and south.  Any wet weather will have cleared out passed the mid day on Wednesday and conditions should be dry and temperatures moderating to average or slightly better than average by Friday.  I am still expecting mostly cloudy to partly cloudy conditions by Friday proper.  I just wanted to add that the current pattern is setting up a trend that will persist well passed this forecast period as indicated by the Devil and The Universe.  There is the possibility of freakish atmospheric effects that are otherwise not dangerous and may strike viewers as some what unnatural.  I simply say that if this should happen enjoy it for it doesn’t indicate anything catastrophic.

Remember that those five cards pulled from the Major Arcana make anyone’s guess about equal.

When all else fails just try and have a better than average day.

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

Region:  Northwestern Ohio, North Central Ohio, Northeastern Ohio and Northwestern Pennsylvania.

Date(s):  Saturday July 15th, Sunday July 16th and Monday July 17, 2017

Deck:  Native American

Cards Drawn:  8 of Pipes (inverse), Chief of Blades (inverse), 20 Judgement (Major Arcana, inverse), 0 The Fool (Major Arcana, inverse), 6 of Pipes and The Matriarch of Pipes.

Forecast:  I am looking for moderate temperatures on Saturday (77 – 81) with warmer temps in the far western parts of the region and cooler temps in the higher elevations to the east.  Skies should range from partly cloudy to partly sunny as well with winds variable and light (under 10 mph).  Sunday will be the Monkey in the forecast, temperatures might be a hair warmer, (78 – 82) following the same pattern and look for higher humidity so the heat index might be a degree or two higher.  There could be an isolated shower or thunderstorm. I am getting this impression from the Judgment Card but it is inverted so the chances are slight (20% – 30%).  No severe weather though as the fool is inverted.  So expect Sunday to show weather, to look like rain but because of the inverted fool there answer will be NO.  Sunday will be a fooler or a joker.  Skies should vary between partly cloudy to a dark cloudy grey.  By Monday Temperatures will be on the rise so expect temperatures to climb into the low to mid 80s (81 – 85) again warmer in the west and cooler in the higher elevations to the east.  Skies clearing and winds either maintaining or falling off.

Always look to your Muse and have a better than average day.

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

Today, it is raining here.  The skies are dark grey and thick with heavy clouds and the temperatures are shaping up to be a bit cooler than expected.  I’d like to think that this weather will continue for 12 hours at least.

Region:  North Western Ohio, North Central Ohio, North Eastern Ohio and North Western Pennsylvania.

Date(s):  Tuesday July 11th and Wednesday July 12th 2017.

Deck:  The Renaissance:

Cards Drawn:  The Empress (3 of the Major Arcana),  5 of Cups (Inverse), The Emperor (4 of the Major Arcana, inverse) and 10 of swords.

Forecast:  The Empress says to me that I should expect wet conditions to continue into Tuesday but the inverted 5 of cups that also lends me the feeling that the rain will start to clear sometime during the afternoon from west to east.  Skies will begin the day ranging from mostly cloudy to cloudy with clearing following the fall off in rain, Temperatures should be between 78 and 82.  Key influences on temperature will be cloud cover, the fewer clouds the warmer the temperature the more and darker the cloud cover the cooler the temperature.  The low temps should range from 69 to 712 again cloud cover begin the key indicator.  The cloudier the skies the warmer the low.  I would expect humidity to persist through Tuesday and possibly into Wednesday.

Now Wednesday I am thinking that there may be a shift in wind direction and a increase in wind speed (10 – 20 mph)  conditions generally clearing and wind direction varying from east, south east and southerly.  Expect a warming trend to begin with temps climbing into the mid 80s (82 – 86).  There is a half chance (50/50) that a Bermuda High will try and develop.  If this turns out to be the case then hot conditions could be on tap for the weekend.  On the other hand the inverted Emperor leads me to suspect that this may be a weak system and dependent on a High pressure area to the north of the region and will pass quickly.

I hope every one has a better than average weekend.

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

Region:  North Western Ohio, North Central Ohio, North Eastern Ohio and North Western Pennsylvania.

Date(s):  Saturday July 8th, Sunday July 9th and Monday July 10th 2017.

Deck:  The Hermetic

Cards Drawn:  The Hierophant (inverse), Ace of Pentacles (inverse), The Hermit (inverse), 3 of Pentacles, King of Wands (inverse) and 10 of Swords (inverse).

Forecast:  Expect unsettled weather through out the region to continue into Saturday as the frontal system moving through the area will not clear out as soon as expected.  Skies will vary from cloudy to partly cloudy with isolated rain and thunderstorms persisting through late afternoon.  The possibility of severe weather is slight (10% – 20%) wind and heavy rain being the most probable phenomena manifested.  Conditions will begin to clear from North West to South East by late afternoon or early evening.  Look for drying to dry conditions on Sunday and Monday with temperatures moderating into the mid to upper seventies (75 – 79) and partly  sunny to sunny skies on Sunday and Monday.  Winds those two days will be pleasant North Westerly to Westerly breezes (5 – 15 mph) diminishing slightly on Monday.

The beginning of next week should be pleasant and an excellent time for out door activities with friends and loved ones, assuming you are an outdoors type person.

Look for your Muse and have a better than average day.

Blessed Be.

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

Region:  The Pacific North West (Northern California, Oregon and Washington)

Date(s):  From Thursday July 6th to Saturday July 8th 2017

Deck:  Native American

Cards Drawn:  Death (13 Major Arcana), 8 of Vessels (Cups), 8 of Tomahawks (inverse), 4 of Tomahawks (inverse), 7 of Tomahawks (Blades, swords) and 6 of Shields (Pentacles or Coins).

Forecast:  In my experience with other readers there are Tarot Literalists and Tarot Intuitives, I am of the later group.  I have no familiarity of this regions weather or any other region other than the one for which I usually read.  That being the case I will put the reading in more general terms than I would prefer.  So here we go.

Death, the only card from the Major Arcana, isn’t as scary as it sounds.  Death is a card that means transition or change.  So whatever the trend has been for the last several days, week or weeks is about to reverse or flip.  It it has been cooler then average then it will become hotter than average, wetter than average changes to drier you get the idea.  Being that the card is from the Major Arcana I want to see it as an indication of a change in trend at least in the short term (the three days of the forecast) although the trend could last longer.  I am thinking Rain for Thursday, not necessarily region wide, Expect conditions to be humid where there is no precipitation.  Look for winds to be on the increase reaching their peak by the end of the forecast period though I don’t believe they will reach profound speeds, just higher than they are now.  Dry conditions will be setting in through late Friday and Saturday.  I have the weird feeling of fire conditions becoming an issue by Saturday though I don’t see temperatures getting that hot.  That strikes me as unlikely as the Oregon and Washington wind side region is considered a temperate rain forest none the less dry and fire conditions is the sense I get of things.

That’s about all I can say about that and I hope it make sense.

Hug the people you love, look towards your Muse and have a better than average day.