Category Archives: Humor/Satire

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude’s Alien (ET) Invasion Forecast

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Region:  Global

Date(s):  Sunday October 1, 2017 to Monday, New years day,  2018

Tarot Deck Used:  Hermetic

Cards Drawn: The Last Judgement ( 20 Major Arcana, inverse), 5 of Swords,  6 of Cups (inverse),  4 of Wands,  The Lovers (6 Major Arcana, inverse) and The King of Pentacles (inverse)

At first glance one might think that this would be a big yes as far as an Alien Invasion goes.  There is though a particular card I am looking for to arrive in the obverse position and I have yet to see it.  What I do pull from this reading is a bumpy October so expect an up tick in sightings especially in areas that are under stress.  Forms of stress can be economic, ecological or military.

On the other hand November should be generally pleasant with fewer than normal;l sightings.  Any encounters during this month could very well be of a more positive type, at least as far as the Alien encounters department.

Don’t forget to keep your photographic equipment, ie. cell phones handy as you might have an opportunity to catch a decent photograph, if you are into that kind of thing.

By the way, try to get the object in focus and if possible keep some earth bound object in the frame for the sake of scale and always remember, don’t freak out.

Happy hunting and,

Have a better than average day.

Aide for the Constipated

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Feeling bound up?  Moving a little slow?  In need of a good purge?

Try Lay’s Potato Chips.

Before I go any further I would like to make two statements.

The first is that Lays Potato Chips did, in no way, sponsor this content.  Secondly, I have yet to try this remedy myself, but my brother swears by it.

So if it has been a few too many days since you have taken a proper dump and you find that you are moving just a bit to slow.  And you don’t care for commercial chemical stool softeners or laxatives.  Try a half of a bag of Lay’s Potato Chips.  That’s the Lay’s Classic thin chips in the yellow family sized bag.  Don’t let the size of the bag freak you out as they are no where near as big as they use to be.  You need to consume about a half of the contents of said bag.  This should be done earlier in the day and it probably should be a day that you’ll be staying in your home.

Brother states that with in eight hours or so you should experience a sudden and complete evacuation of the contents of not only your colon but a large percentage of the large intestine as well.  He states that it never fails.

As I said earlier, I have never tried this remedy myself and neither has Meta.

Happy pooping.

Have a better than average day.

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

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Mine is not to wonder why, but to look askew and cry

Region:  Northwestern Ohio, North Central Ohio, Northeastern Ohio and Northwestern Pennsylvania.

Date(s):  Saturday August 12th to Monday August 14th, 2017

Deck:  Native American

Cards Drawn:  Warrior of Shields (inverse), Chief of vessels (inverse),  The Sun (19 Major Arcana), 5 of Vessels,  6 of Blades (Inverse) and The Shaman.

Forecast:  Friday was the last day of the dog days period and Sirius, the dog star is sinking below the horizon, in this latitude, until next February.  Normally this would be the end of the severe heat for the summer, but summers of late have been misbehaving so don’t take your air conditioners out of  your windows yet.

Saturday look for partly cloudy to partly sunny skies and lingering humidity along with mildly breezy ((5 – 15 mph) conditions.  Temperatures in the upper 70s (77 – 80) with the potential for rain, slight (20% – 30%) during the heat of the afternoon.  Sunday the skies again will start out partly cloudy but clearing as the day unfolds with diminishing winds and cooling temperatures in the middle to upper 70s (74-79).  Where the temperatures warm into the upper 70s there again is the possibility of passing showers during the heat of the day (20% – 30%).  Rain is far more likely in the eastern most regions of the forecast area than n the western most regions.  Monday is an important day for weather watchers as it will set the climatic tone for the remains of the summer.  Whatever the weather is that day will be the general tone of the weather through mid September thanks to the Shaman card.  All in all for this region it has been a better than expected Summer, weather wise.  We should be grateful considering the conditions in other parts of the country and world.

By all means have a great weekend, the weather will be agreeable for out door activities.

Don’t forget about your muse and have a better than average day.

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude’s Alien (ET) Invasion Forecast

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I’m having fun with this and I hope anyone reading enjoys as well.

Region:  The Globe

Date(s):  The 5th of August through the 5th of September, 2017

Deck:  Renaissance

Cards Drawn:  The Hermit (9 Major Arcana, inverse) and 3 of coins (inverse)

Forecast:  August is a excellent month for sky watching, especially this August with the solar eclipse due to occur.  The date escapes me at this point, I want to say the 12th but my memory being what it is the date could just as well be the 21st.  If anyone is interested, I’m sure the actual date should be easy to find.  Either way I hope to see it with Meta.  There are the annual meteor showers, conditions permitting, if you are far enough away from the city lights.  I will probably miss it this year as I am currently town bound.

For any curious sky watchers with an eye towards aerial phenomena the Hermit indicates that being away from people, cities and towns or any other source of light pollution should prove interesting.  Odds are that any lights in the sky are of earthly origin as the three of coins leads me to assume, but you never know.  On a clear night in the proper conditions you might be able to spot the space station with the naked eye.  I had that pleasure myself years ago at a campground in Michigan called Sleeping Bear Dunes.  Really any campground with a clear view of the sky should do.

As far as alien invasions go, Unlikely.  So feel free to enjoy this August with out feeling the need to lay in supplies to survive the terror from deep space.

Have a better than average day.

don’t forget to count your blessings this midsummer’s eve.

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

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Region:  Northwestern Ohio, North Central Ohio, Northeastern Ohio and Northwestern Pennsylvania.

Date(s):  Saturday the 29th, Sunday the 30th and Monday the 31st of July, 2017.

Deck:  The Hermetic Tarot

Cards Drawn:  Fortitude (8 Major Arcana), 10 of cups (inverse), Ace of Pentacles (inverse), 6 of Cups (inverse), 10 of wands (inverse) and 6 of pentacles (inverse).

Forecast:  I am having a hard time figuring the Trump, Fortitude, in this reading as the other cards indicate favorable weather for Saturday and Sunday, if you like dry and cool.   Look for skies to vary from sunny to partly Sunny with mostly to partly sunny skies over the extreme Northeastern area.  Temperatures should be between the lower 70s in the extreme eastern regions (72 – 75) and the mid 70s elsewhere (75 – 78) with skies from sunny to mostly sunny.  Winds through out the region should be generally north to North East but not earth shattering in their speed (from 5 – 20 mph).  Lows through out these two days should hover in the mid to low 60s (61 -65).  Nice days for outdoor activities.

Monday warmer temps should be expected but still below average with highs around or slightly better than 80 (79 – 83) and growing cloud cover with skies from mostly sunny to partly cloudy.  I am of the impression that there is a slight chance of rain (20% – 30%).  No severe weather should be expected at this time.  I would figure that there will be less then a tenth of an inch in any case where rain manifests.  Winds should start to settle down to about 5 mph and take a generally easterly direction.

Expect the heat to come back as the dog days have a ways to go yet.

Always keep an eye on your muse.

Have a better than average day.

The Dirty Joke by Meta

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As a child it was not uncommon for an older youth to ask if I wanted to hear a dirty joke – After my affirmative answer the response would come – “A pig fell into a mud puddle” followed by a hard laugh on their part while I thought it was stupid and that it wasn’t really even a joke.

I was just 14 years old and in my bed when my grandfather came to visit with my parents over hard drinks.  With my bedroom door open and at the top of the stairs I could clearly hear my light hearted grandfather tell the first real dirty joke I had ever heard.

It went something like this…

A young couple were out parking in their car and began fooling around.  As they became heated up a police man pulled up beside them and they were arrested.

They were put into adjoining jail cells for safe keeping and left alone while their parents were sent for.  Soon the couple were billing and cooing through the thin wall between them and they heated up again.Then the boy took out his pocket knife and carved a hole in the wall with instructions to her that he was going to stick “IT” through so she could hop on and they could have their fun.

That worked.

He told her that any time she wanted more she was to rap on the wall three times.

Meanwhile her father had arrived, picked up his daughter and the maid was sent in to clean the cell.  As she brought in her cleaning supplies – her mop fell and struck the wall three times.  As he stuck “IT” through the hole in the wall.  The maid yelled, “Eek!,  A bald headed mouse.”

That became my vision of a man’s thingy(?) until I had experiences of my own.

Meta Q.

Romantic Outlook for the House of Leo

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Leo, the fieriest sign of the zodiac, I suppose…

This outlook is for new friends and old, lovers, flings and the possibilities of meeting new people that could be friendly acquaintances and potentially more.  This short reading holds sway for the period when the house of Leo holds sway.

The deck in use is the Native American.

Leo:

Cards Drawn:  The World (21 Major Arcana) and The Hermit (9 Major Arcana)

Two representatives of the Major Arcana in a two card draw means that things are really, really out of your hands.  That being said Leo’s will find that they are torn between the outer world, work, family, social obligations (politics?), charitable activities in a seeming flood of stuff that has to be dealt with, and inner world obligations, reflection, quiet time and other personal activities geared towards recharging and growing one’s self.  Already existing human relationships will be more difficult at this time as many will not easily understand your need (albeit unusual) for finding quiet isolated spaces.  New possibilities for friendships or love (sexual or more esoteric) will be scant as your time constraints will  be severe.  Keep in mind that any one still around at the end of this period stands a good chance of becoming a strong friendship at the very least.  Be wary of flights of fancy and the occasional temptation as you do not have the time for it.  Leo’s may find this state of affairs lasting well into fall, think Scorpio before moods shift.

Other Fire signs, Aries and Sagittarius.

Cards Drawn:  2 of Vessels (cups) and 4 of Pipes (Wands or staves)

When it rains it pours and during this period these signs will find themselves presented with many opportunities for new relationships especially sexual.  Be wary as some of these will not be positive.  Also their might be a pulling away from new friendships or romances be aware previous obligations especially in the family sphere.  Some of these individuals will create friction among your already existing social circle and also may attempt to pull you away from previously agreed situations.  Care is advised as many of these new acquaintances will be extremely tempting.

All Other signs:

Cards Drawn:  10 of Shields (inverse, coins) and Justice (11 Major Arcana)

It is the economy stupid, you may find that you just don’t have enough money to go around.  This will be a demanding period simply when it comes to making ends meet.  It is also a period when all debts will be paid.  Keeping this in mind, meeting new people will be the last thing on your mind.  It could still happen but it will come from left field or a place least expected.  An alert individual may find a strong new friendships if they pay attention.  That will require that they figure out how to deal with all debts and economic woes in a way that doesn’t bog down their thoughts and wind them out to the point of exhaustion.  May luck be with you cause your gonna need it.

Come what may try and have a better than average day.

 

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

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Region:  Northwestern Ohio, North Central Ohio, Northeastern Ohio and Northwestern Pennsylvania.

Date:  Saturday July 21st, Sunday July 22nd and Monday July 23, 2017.

Deck:  Renaissance Tarot

Cards Drawn:  5 of Cups,  The Empress (3 Major Arcana), Queen of Staves, Queen of Coins (inverse), 9 of swords, King of Swords (inverse)

Forecast:  Saturday expect hazy and warm conditions (temps between 86 – 88) and skies becoming partly cloudy.  If you a sky watcher look for cirrus and cirri-stratus earlier in the day.  Expect rain, heavy at times.  Chance of severe weather is slim to none but rain fall could be extremely heavy at times.  Warm, humid and wet conditions should persist over night again with heavy rain fall.  The rain should clear out of the region by Sunday early afternoon with a chance of flooding in low lying areas.  The weather is mostly likely to impact northwestern Ohio and north central Ohio with chances of wet weather diminishing in the far eastern Ohio and the higher elevations in north western Pennsylvania.  Conditions on Monday should begin to clear and cool with and increase in wind from the north to north west.  Skies on Monday should vary from partly cloudy to partly sunny and temperatures should begin to moderate (77 – 80).

Have a better than average day and always watch for your Muse.

Meta Mumbles on and on

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Here are three jokes That I was told by my birth father many years ago….

Q:  If a church has no doors or windows –  How do the people get in and out?

A:  The church was holey

 

Q:  What did the Preacher say when he saw the Church burning?

A:  “Holey Smoke”

 

Q:  Little fly on the wall

Ain’t you got no clothes at all?

Ain’t you got no shimmy shirt?

Ain’t you got no pretty skirt?

Ain’t you cold?”

The Internet Tarot Weather Dude

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Today I think I’ll climb a bit farther out on a limb.  I just hope that it and the tree from which it grows are both healthy.  I am thinking that I’ll try and forecast the weather for another country or set of countries.  I Just want to see how it goes.  I would like to think of it as an experiment.

Region:  England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland.

Date(s)  Monday July 17 to Friday July 21, 2017

Deck:  The Hermetic

Cards Drawn:  Set One:  The Hierophant (5 Major Arcana, inverse), Ace of Pentacles (inverse), Queen of Wands (inverse), The Universe (21 Major Arcana), Wheel of Fortune (10 Major Arcana), 5 of Wands, Princess of Pentacles, The Devil (15 Major Arcana)

Set Two:  The Magician (1 Major Arcana, inverse),  10 of Pentacles (inverse).

Forecast:  In the first set of cards there are four representatives from the Major Arcana, sometimes known as Trumps and in the second set there is one.  So there are five cards from the Major Arcana or that half of the cards drawn are from the Major Arcana indicating that there are forces at work here that are tricky or beyond our control or our ability to read successfully.  Think of it like a drunk pissing into the wind and trying not to get wet.

I’ll give it a shot anyway, just for giggles.  Whatever the weather is on Monday will hang on until the middle of the forecast period, mid day on Wednesday.  In general terms the conditions will be about average in temperature and tending toward dry or drier but the skies will show rain, mostly cloudy to cloudy and conditions will be humid.  Any wet weather will be passing or short lived but don’t expect to see much of the sun.  Cloudy conditions will persist through until Friday though the sun might start to show its self in regions farther west and south.  Any wet weather will have cleared out passed the mid day on Wednesday and conditions should be dry and temperatures moderating to average or slightly better than average by Friday.  I am still expecting mostly cloudy to partly cloudy conditions by Friday proper.  I just wanted to add that the current pattern is setting up a trend that will persist well passed this forecast period as indicated by the Devil and The Universe.  There is the possibility of freakish atmospheric effects that are otherwise not dangerous and may strike viewers as some what unnatural.  I simply say that if this should happen enjoy it for it doesn’t indicate anything catastrophic.

Remember that those five cards pulled from the Major Arcana make anyone’s guess about equal.

When all else fails just try and have a better than average day.