This incident took place a week ago Sunday. The exact date would be January 19th 2014.
Meta had been made mention for some time that she was having problems with the doorknob, this particular door knob was part of the front door to our apartment. She had stated, directly most of the time and indirectly on the rest of the occasions that the afore-mentioned doorknob didn’t seem to want to work, that it was sticking somehow. In later discussions Meta would state that she had been having this for a couple of weeks or so. Though it seems to my recollection that it was longer than that possibly a month maybe six weeks but I would be forced to acknowledge that the frequency of the incidents that she had been reporting had increased dramatically in the last two weeks.
I had no point of reference for what she was saying. Better stated, I hadn’t experienced any problems with accused doorknob in any way. I felt nothing when I turned the handle, no resistance and the door opened every time. I did something I think my father would have been proud of, I chalked up the reports of her experiences as some form of female hysterical delusion lacking any resemblance to rationality. This single mental act I had never done before. When Meta told me something I always took it seriously previously, I may not have done anything about it but I didn’t just mentally blow it off and chalk it up to some weird assessment of female inferiority. There could have been other reasons why the doorknob behaved when I turned it. It could have been my massive strength being a he man and all, maybe it was an expression of my paranormal power, possibly some sort of spiritual blessing or odds are, just plain old luck.
I was operating from a deeply seated assumption that reality is some how intransient, unchanging. This is an underlying operating assumption that I have been aware of in humanity for sometime and Meta and I had talked about it at some length several times in the recent past. The phenomena, in the simplest terms, If I have an experience with the doorknob today and it works for me, indeed every time I use the doorknob it behaves accordingly then that is the way it is for every one all the time. Its the empiricists interpretation of knowledge.
So it was sunday the 19 in northern Ohio during a january that is beginning to look a lot more like winters past. Meta and I had decided to make a run for essentials, pop and cigarettes, we had everything else, before the weather turned again. Rain and freezing rain over the next day or two followed by snow and a sudden impending cold spell combined with the lack of a car and the fact that neither of us are spring chickens anymore prompted us to move on a clear day in the middle 20s temperature wise. She would run the errand and I would stay inside, I know, I am a lazy dog, but I can live with it if she can. It was then that I experienced problems with the doorknob right along with her, it just didn’t seem to want to let go of the doorjam. But we managed and it opened. I stood in the hallway, we traded I love you’s and I told her to call me so that I could be at the down stairs door to carry up the supplies. I watched as she headed down the hall and turned and began to descend the 44 stairs down to the street entrance.
It was then that I glanced down at the doorknob and turned it back and forth. It seemed ti me touch and my eye that it was working just fine.
“Should I leave it open until she gets back?” I thought to myself.
“You getting delusional now, hysterical maybe,” Stated another voice in my head.
(Don’t be alarmed, I am a schizophrenic and these types of strange mental activities are fairly frequent)
“Go ahead and close it, you can sit ’til she calls, be comfortable,” This was stated by a second voice.
“I don’t know if that would be wise,” I thought back, “I think there might be a problem with the door.”
“Don’t be a pussy, shut the door already,” Stated the first voice.
“Be a man and close the door, you look like a dufus,” That would have been the second voice.
I don’t know why, it seemed logical that everything would be just fine and the nagging sensation that maybe I had missed something was fading but not gone. This would be what NoahBoddee, my brother, would have refered to as a dumbass attack. But the thing about dumb ass attack’s are that what everything has to be done first before you realize that every action was an idiotic endeavor. Most of these last couple of sentences are reflections as I had put enough though into what I was doing. It was just a nagging feeling so I shut the door.
I stood there, hand open only inches from the doorknob and I could not take my eyes off it. The fading nagging sound had become quiet loud again. So I figured I see if I could open the door and put the noise in my head to rest. So I gripped the handle and turned, first to the left and then to the right but the door would not open. There was no lock on the door, other than a dead bolt. I repeated the cyclic move several more times and regardless of how hard I pulled I could not get the door open.
It was then I realized that I had a dumbass attack. That I was in fact something of an idiot.
first I tried the old driver’s license/credit card trick, I had always been able to use this to unlock a door from the inside, not dead bolts. Fail. It seemed to me that the license and the credit card were too flimsy and it had been a while, maybe I was mistaken. Next came a butter knife, I could not get over how stubborn the lock was, after all this was from the inside, I was trying to break out. The idea of Meta being stuck in the hallway only added to my overall level of anxiety. Then two butter knives, a flurry of action, metal clicking against metal. Meta would later say that she could hear the noise those two butter knives were making all the way down on the first floor.
We had managed to make contact before she got home so that she would know the situation and the fact that I would not be downstairs to help her haul.
As soon as I am certain of the world it does something to remind me that I don’t know what I am doing, hell, I don’t know what I am thinking.
I played with the idea of taking the door knob off but I hesitated, our land lord is on good terms with us and I was planning to keep it that way. It wouldn’t be until Meta herself suggested that I take off the door knob, after she had been sitting in the hall for nearly forty minutes. I am not mechanically inclined, my brother constantly warns that I should never be allowed to handle tools. None the less I found the proper sized Phillips and quickly removed the knob. the internal workings would be different though as it appears the mechanism had sprung and had to be removed in pieces.
Meta would say later that evening that I should feel bad about the incident, that it could have happened to any one any where. I don’t know about that. It wasn’t until I explained that it wasn’t so much her being trapped in the hall or hauling the groceries up the stairs with out help. It was because of the way I had blown her off, not taken her seriously. I shouldn’t have done that.
I realize that this post is a little late. I guess its taking more effort to get my sea legs back then I thought.
Remember, be blessed