If I had a million dollars…I think that is how the song lyric goes.  I have spent time here and there over the years wondering what I would do if I had a millions dollars.  I was just thinking about that a few hours ago.  Now as the age in my personal chronology aproaches 49 I find that a million dollars isn’t what it use to be.  I think really a million dollars is a phrase, if allowed some peotic license, that really means: In a place where you don’t have to worry about money.  A certain kind of riches or wealth and now when I am 49 and I wonder what I would do with a millions dollars I find myself thinking about things.

Things like owning my own home some where out near the wilderness but not so near that I can’t get to a doctor when I need one.  I may find myself back on Dialyisis at any time and I need to be aware of that possibility and plan for it.  It would be nice to own a car, nothing fancy, just something reliable of course but a little flash could be cool.  Maybe buy some new clothes and a decent pair of shoes and I have always wanted a suit made to fit me.  The last new clothes I had managed to obtain were a couple of pairs of J.C, Penny old Gork, Dork, golf pants and a couple pairs of thermals (Always handy).  Boy that just sounds so old and before that I received a new pair of overalls from my great aunt back in 1998.  I keep hearing about the social security and food stamps gravy train but apparently I don’t know where it stops in my home town.  I’d love to take Meta out to a nice resturant where she could be waited on hand and foot.  I know the whole thing seems rather pathetic and small minded for with my million dollars I would be things and comfort.  Its kind of silly in a way for Meta and I have things, maybe not the most comfortable or the nicest and we really had to work to get them into our appartment but things none the less.  The United States has the best garbage piles in the world.  Its amazing what our brother and sister citizens just throw away.

I think really, in order for me to gain any insight into why I would spend my million dollars the way I would today I would have to remember what I thought I would do with a million dollars when I was 20 something let’s say.  Probably just after college and I parted ways when I worked two full time jobs to make ends meet.  I was single and had no children (That’s a whole nothing long and insan e story).  Yet I still thought about that million dollar question.  I think everybody does from time to time, unless they have a million dollars of course.

I still remember those fantasies, that’s the simplest term to describe them.  What would I do?  I would travel.  I would have the time to do do the things I love like writing or Art,  and of course sex and lots of it.  As I work to rememebr what it was I wanted so much then I find that I have those things now.  Maybe not in kuxury but I still do those things.  I write.  I’ve been writing a lot over the last twenty years.  I like to think that I am getting pretty good at it.  I am an exhibited artist, nothing amazing but exhibited none the less and have wone a few awards and I have a great relationship with a horny older woman.  We have even managed to travel some, camping style, but we did it.  It took planning to be sure.

I find it fascinating that as I study my world and find all the things that are lacking in it today.  Through reflection I find that I somehow, I don’t really know exactly how, I have many of the things I was wishing for years and years ago.

Reflection can serve many purposes, mostly to give us a point of reference and to help us appreciate hat we have, what blessings we have received.

I don’t know what else to say except Be Blessed.  The Blessings are all around you all you have to do is learn to see them.