Hobby Humans in Outer Space

It has been asserted by several highly esteemed researchers in the field of UFO studies that first contact happened sometime around 1954 or 55.  It could have been as early as 1952 or as late as 1956 and this contact, diplomatic in nature occurred either at Hurlbert, Wright Paterson or Laughlin airbase and that President Dwight D. Eisenhower was not only aware of said contact but was a key participant.

This is a deception.

It was an operation that involved the entire Intelligence community.  This deception was clever and masterful in its execution.  Why, will become apparent as this expose continues.

First Contact took place at an unnamed coffee shop in Greenich village, the east village.  It was smoke filled and moody when the small group of big nose grays had made their appearance.  They had chosen this location with the full understanding that the beat community was the least like to respond with violence.  These aliens had a rare offer for the inhabitants of that particular coffee shop.  That offer was, any individual who would willing go with them could have these things:

1)  An abundant supply of food, what ever they may wish.

2)  A radio, or television, or any other items for their own entertainment.

3)  Beverages, including alcohol, tobacco or any other things they may want to smoke.

4)  Comfortable furniture and their own private home.

5)  Suitable companions of their own species.

6)  and finally, they would never have to work nor exert themselves in any way for their own sustenance.

It is said that the inhabitants of said coffee shop listened politely and then inquired if poetry would be made available.  The big nosed grays may have traversed the galaxy but they were woefully underdeveloped in the literary and the poetic arts.  They had never heard of such a thing and had no response.  This evoked a predictable reaction from the beatniks in the coffee-house. They ignored the extraterrestrials until the went away.  Reportedly, J. Edgar Hoover’s grand-nephew was at said establishment that evening and filed the report immediately with the Disappeared Files Division of the FBI.

The Big Nosed Greys, named so because, you guessed it, they had big noses, were master merchants and traders.  They could be compared to the Swahili at their peak.  They needed to rethink their strategy and they would not attempt contact again until 1968 in a region of California known as haight ashbury.  The people there were much more inclined to agree to the contract, some reasoned that television had gotten so much better since the 50s and it was that single change in technology that made captivity more appealing to humans.

The Tek Nagh Uur (Big nosed greys) had come up with and idea that they believed would be considered genius, a real money-maker, the craze of the millenia.  That idea was Hobby Humans.  The Tek Hagh Uur had been watching humanity for a long time trying to decide whether or not these strange little beings could be considered intelligent by galactic standards.  They seemed to be self-aware and capable of learning and advanced thought yet the average human possessed less verbal acuity, mathematic knowledge, and a general understanding of science than most other species when they were very young.  The other strange thing was that these seemingly peaceful friendly beings could turn in an instant into a state that provoked unbelievable levels of violence.  Though the evidence was scant there was enough that the Tel Nagh Uur knew they might get into trouble if they used humans for food so they decided instead on hobby humans.  The whole concept is very similar to keeping fish

The government was fully well aware of this.  If fact the department of the interior had worked out a tariff system so that Uncle Sam would get his cut.  This is where the bulk of the funding comes from for the so-called black budget.  There was some attempt at negotiation on the topic of human rights and abstaining from torture but, “For some reason they (the Big Nosed greys) acted like they didn’t believe me” Vice Admiral Rufus Scharman, Exo-Ambassador from the United States. 1964-1976

The beginning,

Tek Nagh Uur began randomly “hiring” people from around the world until the 1970 Recruitment Treaty with the United States which stated that applications could only be taken in Northwestern Ohio, the entire State of West Virgina, South Central Ohio, Western Pennsylvania. the Caribbean, South America. South East Asia, USSR, China, all of Africa South of the Sahara and Greece.  This was quickly followed by the Free Peoples Employment treaty which stated that applicants should be taken only from the western hemisphere as China and the USSR were having a hard enough time keeping people inside their borders.  The Unilateral UN Freedom of Employment treaty eliminated all of the Southern Hemisphere, East Africa and Europe with the exception of  Ireland so by the time the finagaling and dickering had been completed the aliens could only recruit new hires from the State of West Virgina, Northwest and South Central Ohio, Western Pennsylvania, the Caribbean, Ireland and West Africa.  Freelancers though often found many a willingly new employee inside the District of Columbia.  No one paid this any attention.

The Tale,

Hobby humans became all the rage throughout  the Pan galactic Allied Species and Neutral Powers.  It was such a considerable distraction that there was a noticeable decrease in hostile activities and exploration of the frontier.  A strange competition raged between spacefaring species and between individuals with in any given species.  Hobby Humans had become a status symbol and a trend began to develop amongst move extroverted groups.  For instance, The Reptilian’s of Draco Major had a peculiar preference for anti-social and even violent elements of the human species and were avid collectors.  They liked to encourage brawling with in their personal communities and other violent behavior.  Humans have on occasion exhibited an extreme propensity of violence and other dark behaviors on a level that rivaled even what the Reptilians themselves were capable of and this the Reptilians found amusing.  Its is important to note that under normal circumstances Reptilians are known for lacking any detectable sense of humor.  The violent antics of humans, held in glass enclosures, had the Reptilians rolling and so distracted that they, for the most part, ceased their militant activities against their neighbors.  The inhabitants of Draco made every effort to obey the treaties and laws regarding the care of Humans and kept anything that might be considered a weapon by the space faring societies beyond the reach of their employees but it seems that Humans were capable of turning even the most mundane of objects into a lethal weapon.  As reports amongst the Human populations employed in the Draco System rose so did rumors of gambling and gladiatorial contests between humans, much like dog fighting or cock-fighting here on earth.  Investigators from The Pangalatic Council where unable to find any evidence of wrong doing on the part of the inhabitants of Draco.  Needless to say the rumors persist.  I would like you to know dear reader. that there is no evidence this journalist can find to indicate any complaint or concern expressed by any governing body on earth about this controversy.

The Little Greys of Beta Reticuli also had particular preferences amongst the hobby human population.  For them the preference was for individual’s who would be classified as promiscuous or highly sexually active.  This caused some consternation amongst many a scholar until a conclave was held at the University of Betelgeuse to study the matter.  after some three years of research and thought, this esteemed group came to this conclusion:  Being that the little greys, called so because of their short stature, reproduced by cloning ,so it was only natural that they would be curious about other methods of  reproduction.  This inspired the Non-interference with Breeding Act so that no species could legally tamper with the genetic make up of any human group.

The Nordics from the Pleiades prefered the more passive and social groups such as the Rainbow Gathers and Dead Heads.  To the alarm of other species the Nordics did not keep their Hobby Humans in glass containment ares and didn’t really see the Humans as pet like, dangerous nor undesirable.  Close to the same stature and build and similar in appearance as Humans, the Nordics of the Pleiades had to tolerate several quarantines during the ten years after they had established their Free Range Human Program.  The larger society seemed to relax and had started to pull back from its engine of massive economic growth and began to develop a taste for the “Simple Things” in life.  Many scholars worried, that over the long term, the ramifications of unbridled cultural integration could lead to a deevolutionary trend amongst the fair Nordics of the Pleiades.

The Incident,

Possibly the most advanced and developed of the various Peoples who took an interest in the Hobby Humans would be the Blue Beings of Epsilon Indi.  This would be an Andromedan outpost with some 500 million inhabitants.  The Andronmedans had mastered transgalatic flight long before any of the local Peoples had developed writing.  Deeply educated and having,  many thousands of years ago, managed to eliminate many if not all the traits that create discord with in a society.  Particularly Antisocial and or Psychopathic traits.  Though they were known to still occur on rare occasion no one could recall a Blue Being with such traits other than the ones made reference to in the distance past in various academic works.  Many didn’t believe these traits had ever existed.

Enter Tryb Stocard, a middle management employee of Ship Crap Transgalatic Freight.  He and his wife, Syp where well-known and respected Hobby Human enthusiasts whom had been published often in periodicals on the subject.  It was their Daughter, the apple of her father’s eye, around which the controversy started.  The child, upon reaching the age of six, received a hobby human glass environment of her own, in hopes of encouraging her imagination.  With in the passing of a long galactic week Syp began to notice the humans from her child’s, Fryy, Hobby aquarium were disappearing.  This caused Syp some considerable alarm.  Where the human’s escaping?  Heaven forbid, once they get into the walls we’ll never be able to get them out.  She told her husband who blew her concerns off, as husbands were like to do with one sentence, “Human’s aren”t smart enough to get into the walls.”  It wasn’t until later that month that Tryb became concerned when all the human’s had disappeared from his daughters glass containment chamber.  What if they had gotten into the walls?  What kind of trouble could they cause?  What was their rate of reproduction anyways?  Tryb, needless to say, was concerned.

He immediately consulted a pest control agent.  It was while the pest control expert was informing Tryb that his residence was Human free, except for the large main glass chamber, which the agent gestured at.  This drew Tryb’s attention to his prized possession, possibility the healthiest and most realistic artificial Human Habitat on the planet, only to see his beloved daughter Fryy, fish a wiggling and screaming Human from the, dare I say it, aquarium, chew him up and swallow him.

Could it be true,  could his daughter be exhibiting antisocial behavior?  Tryb rushed the specialist from the house and returned to his daughter expeditiously only to find that she had gobbled up a second Human.  Tryb would have to check his home owners insurance later, but now, his darling daughter had turn from sweet and innocent to crazed and violent  There was only one thing to do.  The happy room.  Heavily padded with soothing music and imagery the color scheme revolving around an off pink.  The happy room could modulate even the most disturbed personality bringing them to a calm place.  Assuming that this had been accomplished when the howling stopped Tryb opened the door to the happy room, only to find his daughter in a heightened state of anxiety and anger.  She had become violent.

She became known as Little Agony.  Much more damage could have been done but realistically the world was left intact, hardly dented, except for the local Hobby Human population, which dwindled rapidly.  It seems at some point other blue beings became curious and decided to try a few Humans just to see what they tasted like.  Low and behold humans were sweet and spicey…kind of like candy.  The blue beings couldn’t resist…you know what they say…”You can’t eat just one!”  The greater damage was done to the cultural confidence.  The Blue beings felt that the superior knowledge and understanding of science left them invulnerable to such hideous activities.  This was obviously untrue.  The reality was there was very little exceptional about them, a concept that was most destructive and by 2008 the society had completely collapsed after thriving for millions of years.

Well, That is the way a Culture Crumbles…I guess.

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